It happens to me all the time. Like I said, we are all in different places and some of our baggage is heavier than others. We all have problems with our jobs or strive for something better. Rejection stings one way of the other. We all have jobs and lives: Here is my favorite of the bullshit excuses for not getting together with someone again. This excuse for not meeting again is the oldest and lamest of them all. Of course we have a few bad apples every group does but we are talented, hard-working people who share a sense of community and have banned together in times of strife and prejudice. Gay men are — for the most part — a great group of people. You meet a seemingly great guy either organically at a bar or online.
Has this ever happened to you? It may be easy to vanish from thin air, but trust me, the ghosts of your past have ways of coming back to haunt you no matter how hard you try to run from them. I think we are looking for different things. You may end up being pleasantly surprised by what you find. Of course we have a few bad apples every group does but we are talented, hard-working people who share a sense of community and have banned together in times of strife and prejudice. If someone reaches out to speak to me, I ask them what they are looking for because I am amenable. Do you agree or disagree with this assessment? For the past year or dating, I have made the conscious effort to NOT state what it is I am looking for upon meeting someone in person or online. I am very happy to remain single. If not, then why go on a date in the first place? If someone approaches me, I ask what they are looking for and take it from there. Men of all ages, types and sizes call the City by the Bay home, and an endless stream of visitors from all corners of the world come to this gay haven for the experience of a lifetime. But a partner is neither going to define who I am or make or break my future. We must have misunderstood each other. It is not, however an acceptable excuse to not see someone again. Time and time again I hear horror stories of bad first dates, ghosting and people telling flat out lies to first daters. Why then are we so terrible to each other when it comes to finding a mate? You exchange numbers and begin texting. We are all adults so it interests me why we act like schoolyard bullies when it comes to dating instead of simply saying what we feel. No one will ever be perfect. You meet a seemingly great guy either organically at a bar or online. When you continuously disappear to get out of telling someone you are not interested or out of any problem in life for that matter, you are not actually dealing with anything at all. So why did you go on the initial date? Discretion is not part of the gay culture or vocabulary in San Francisco, and cruising for sex is part and parcel of the way things work in this magnificent city. Why make plans with someone for a second date when you have no intention of seeing them again?
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