One benefit to being 52 is that I've finally learned what to look for in a man. I've also found that stingy men aren't as good lovers as their more generous counterparts. Vulnerability -- A man isn't strong unless he is also vulnerable. Even if a guy is hot, if his version of funny doesn't sync with mine, the sexy won't stay sexy for long. Mindfulness -- Not that long ago, I was attracted to men so ambitious that they appeared to be driven by motors. Compassion, empathy, a ready smile, an easy laugh -- these traits and actions are disarming in the best sense of the word. I don't care how gorgeous a man is; if he can't entice me with his mind, the sexual chemistry won't be there. Intellect -- A beautiful mind is sexy. I'm talking about internal-fortitude strength. There's nothing wrong with someone who fits that description -- but razzle-dazzle wears thin quickly without substance to back it up. A soft kiss on the back of my neck as he walks by. I gravitate towards men with a palpable sexiness. Sense of humor -- A man who lacks a sense of humor is like a cold shower on legs. A sexually charged man who is in command of his urges and firmly situated in his sexual expression will turn me into a breathless, perpetually aroused Alpha Submissive in no time flat. And the brand of humor is critical.
When I was younger, I tended to like men who were tall, thin, and dark-haired. Sometimes I remembered how a t-shirt clung to one man's shoulders, or how another held my gaze unabashedly over a glass of wine. There's nothing wrong with someone who fits that description -- but razzle-dazzle wears thin quickly without substance to back it up. Strength -- I don't mean how much a man can bench press, although a nice set of pecs doesn't hurt. But just what, I asked myself, makes a man so sexy you can feel it emanating from him when he walks in the room? Not only stingy with money, but also stingy with feelings. Generosity -- Stinginess is a turn-off. For me, intellect and humor are inseparable bedfellows. I let my mind wander over images of men throughout my life who have made my breath catch, and my skin tingle, just by being in their presence. Warmth -- It's exhausting trying to connect with someone behind walls. Mindfulness -- the ability to be aware and present in the moment, even if that moment is painful -- is the ultimate form of ambition because it requires a commitment to personal growth that is not for the faint of heart. These are 11 things I came up with: Sense of humor -- A man who lacks a sense of humor is like a cold shower on legs. Smart people read nuances and see the humor in situations. I don't care how gorgeous a man is; if he can't entice me with his mind, the sexual chemistry won't be there. Even if a guy is hot, if his version of funny doesn't sync with mine, the sexy won't stay sexy for long. Compassion, empathy, a ready smile, an easy laugh -- these traits and actions are disarming in the best sense of the word. None of these answers seemed to fit. While squandering one's money and emotions indicate a lack of control or self-worth, counting pennies and withholding genuine contact suggest a preference for things over people. But now, at 52, I don't really have a "type. I'm talking about internal-fortitude strength. A man who radiates quiet confidence, who is able to remain calm and centered in the face of challenges, makes me weak in the knees. A man who loves touch for the sake of touch, whether or not it leads to sex, is sexy. A soft kiss on the back of my neck as he walks by. Many of these 11 things didn't appear on the checklist I had when I was in my 20s. I have no time or patience for men who play games and control women in order to feel like men. Did I notice eyes?
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